Ugh. I’ve been so up and down today. I feel sad, groggy, depressed. Could be the weather I suppose. It’s cold, wet, rainy and gloomy. Smoking like a chimney. Bored. Easily irritated. I really don’t like feeling this way.
I’m maxed out on vistral today. I just took my Melatonin and Buspirone for the night. Pills pills pills. Does it make a difference? I don’t know anymore. I wish there was a way out of this mind frame. A cure for depression? I must be out of my mind. An end to the endless war I wage against my condition? There’s just more war tomorrow. “But that makes you appreciate the good days more” some people will say. Get the fuck outta here. That’s crap and you know it. Who the hell wouldn’t take more good days over the bad ones? I’m trying to get through the night. I’m feeling pretty awful right now. And I don’t even know why! Christ. I’m 30 years old. I should have a better grip on these things by now. Will it be this way forever, or am I a late bloomer or something?
I got the music on right now. Listening to Lex The Hex Master’s new Contact album. And after I’m done with this entry, I’m probably just going to play some video games or watch some YouTube videos. Doing what I do to ignore the hurricane that roars within my skull on a daily basis.